Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough
Mae West
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.
Robin Williams
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a fool about it.
W. C. Fields
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
Charles Dudley Warner
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.
Jean de la Bruyere
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
Milton Berle